OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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