i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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