She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
