there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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