I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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