Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
