The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
ttyl tear gas
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
