I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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