You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
