I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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