I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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