I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
