Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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