why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
