I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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