i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I supernannyed him into submission
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
