Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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