Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
