I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
