i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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