I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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