used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
