Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I have feelings that need drinking.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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