I will die if light touches me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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