Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
