Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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