"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
