I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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