the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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