I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize