im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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