I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
