This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
