dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
