Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
