He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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