you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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