new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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