The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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