yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
