haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
