I want to walk on stilts...naked
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
