He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
