And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
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Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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