just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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