I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
