Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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