What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
