Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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