if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
