On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
