What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
