I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
