im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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