Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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