He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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