Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
