we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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