Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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