dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just cropdusted the office
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
